manifestations of mental health

Mental health has never been "always happy and free of negative emotions". The core is to have psychological flexibility - being able to catch one's own emotions and maintain a dynamic balance between oneself and the outside world in a changing life, without being internally consumed to the point of losing control, nor being numb to the point of isolating feelings.

One of the visitors I received last week was from Internet operations. The leader made three pages of revision suggestions for the just-concluded 618 project review. I left the conference room and squatted in the stairwell and cried for 20 minutes. After crying, I wiped my face and went back to make changes to the plan. I also bought a cup of my favorite fruit tea on the way after get off work. The first thing she said when she came for consultation was, "Teacher, am I too mentally fragile to cry over this little thing?" Instead, I told her that you are in a very healthy state.

Many people have a very big misunderstanding about mental health. They think that they need to take a dose of chicken blood every day to have positive energy, even if they are not good at emo. If they even have negative emotions, they rush to seek psychological counseling. In fact, different schools in the industry have already reached a consensus on this: The psychoanalytic school has always believed that emotions themselves are not right or wrong, and that depression is the root cause of various psychological problems. If you can allow yourself to cry or be upset, it shows that you are honest about your feelings. ； The judgment criteria of the cognitive-behavioral school are more specific: as long as your emotional response matches the stimulus event, if you are unhappy when you are scolded or sad when you lose something, and you can recover after a few days, then it is completely fine. On the contrary, if you are scolded and still smile without any emotion at all, then you should be alert to whether emotional isolation has occurred.

To be honest, in the five years I have been working as a consultant, I have seen too many people who are "excellent and cheerful" in the eyes of outsiders have problems. In essence, they have welded the shackles of "must be excellent" to themselves. This is why many people say that another hidden manifestation of mental health is that you dare to make yourself "less useful." There used to be a technical director of a large factory who was diagnosed with high blood pressure when he was just 30 years old. Before, he had to hold demand meetings even if his fever reached 39 degrees. He was afraid that if he said "I can't do it", he would be looked down upon by his subordinates and replaced by the leader. Last year, he took half a month's sick leave. When he came back, he mentioned to the leader for the first time, "The demand schedule for this version is too full, we can't finish it, and we have to cut off three non-core functions." After saying this, he thought he would be scolded, but the leader just said "oh" and agreed. He later told me that it was the first time in five years of work that he felt, "Oh, it turns out I don't have to be Superman." The point of view of existential psychology here is actually very provocative: the core of mental health is to accept your own limitations. You don’t have to force yourself to be an “all-powerful person”. If you dare to admit that you can’t do it and accept that you will make mistakes, you will live a more solid life.

There is another very interesting little detail. When I judge whether a person is in good condition, I often look at his sense of propriety in dealing with others: whether he is neither afraid of troublesome others nor afraid of rejecting others' troubles. A girl came to me for social anxiety consultation before. She said that she had been working for half a year and had to bring breakfast and coffee for three colleagues in the same department every day. Even though she was going to be late, she did not dare to say no because she was afraid that others would dislike her. After practicing "gentle rejection" for half a month, the first time a colleague asked her to bring milk tea, she directly said, "I have to report today and don't have time to go downstairs, so you can order takeout." After saying this, she was nervous all morning, but the colleague didn't say anything and ordered takeout herself. She later told me that it turned out that the sky would not fall if she rejected others. You see, a healthy social status is never about "everyone likes me", but about me daring to express my needs and dare to keep my boundaries. There is no need to force myself to please in the relationship, and there is no need to hold back internal injuries for fear of conflict.

By the way, many people on the Internet now say that "mental health requires a complete elimination of internal friction." In fact, there are different opinions in the industry. Many clinical psychologists have mentioned that appropriate internal friction is normal - such as wondering whether to change jobs or whether to confess your dissatisfaction to your partner. These "entanglements" are essentially your active thinking and taking responsibility for your own choices. As long as you don't get stuck in thinking about the same problem over and over for a month or two without taking action or letting go, those little entanglements are not a problem at all. On the contrary, people who don't think about anything, do whatever others say, and have no "internal friction" at all, are the ones who have really lost the sense of control over their lives.

To be honest, there is really no list of 10 criteria to judge whether you are mentally healthy. Mental health is just like physical health. You will occasionally catch a cold or have diarrhea. As long as you have enough resistance, you will be fine in a few days. You don’t have to have a minor problem to feel like you have a serious illness. You have been emo for a long time today, but you can still get up and eat the hot pot you want tomorrow. ； You had a quarrel with a friend, but after a few days you could sit down and talk it out. ； When you are scolded by your boss, you can turn around and watch funny short videos for half an hour - these fragmented and vivid states are actually the best manifestation of mental health.