What does children’s mental health include?

I have been doing front-line intervention in children's psychology for almost 6 years, and have dealt with nearly 300 families. In fact, there is no absolutely unified standard for the definition of children's mental health in the academic and practical circles, but the core covers four areas with the highest consensus: cognitive development, emotional regulation, behavioral state, and social adaptation. In essence, it depends on whether the child can get along well with himself and interact smoothly with the outside world.

Let’s talk about cognitive development first. I met a third-grade boy before. Because he scored 78 points on a math unit test, he decided that he was “not born to study.” He also rejected all courses that required brain use, and even refused to go to his favorite airplane model class. This is a typical cognitive deviation. A healthy cognitive state never requires a child to be always optimistic, but rather that he can evaluate his own abilities relatively objectively, will not deny himself all at once when encountering setbacks, and will not be so blindly arrogant that he cannot listen to the reasonable suggestions of others. There is also a controversy that has been going on for many years: many parents believe that the more mature and "sensible" their children are, the better, but a large number of child development scholars have suggested that excessive maturity that does not meet the age is actually the result of psychological stress. For example, a "good child" who can accurately read people's faces at the age of three or four and dare not mention his or her own needs is a situation where cognitive development has deviated from the normal track. The two views have not yet been concluded. When we do practical work, we will also adjust the judgment standards according to the situation of each family.

The thing most closely tied to cognitive development is the ability to regulate emotions, which is also the first part that most parents can detect abnormalities. Last month, a mother came for consultation with her second-grade daughter. She said that when the child was wronged, he would only hide in the corner and bite the back of his hand, and did not even dare to cry. There was also another little boy I met before who would roll around and throw things when he didn't go his way. He couldn't be coaxed for half an hour. Both of these are signs that his emotional regulation ability has not been developed well. A healthy emotional state does not require a child to always be happy and never lose his temper. It requires that he can clearly feel his happiness, sadness, and anger, and dare to express them in a way that does not harm himself or others. After he is upset, he can slowly calm down on his own, and he will not be stuck in negative emotions for a long time. There is a saying on the Internet now that "children must be given complete emotional freedom and must not stop losing their temper." However, many of our front-line intervention practitioners do not agree with this view. A completely unbounded emotional release will make children feel uneasy about "Am I too out of control?" which is not conducive to emotional health. The differences between different schools on this point are quite obvious.

Cognition and emotion will eventually fall into specific behaviors and social interactions, which are also the practical standards we value most when making assessments. There was a little boy who was referred from a kindergarten. When playing with children, he would reach out and hit others if the rules did not conform to his wishes. During class, he would run around within five minutes of sitting down. He could not abide by the most basic group rules at all. This is a behavioral adaptation problem. Of course, a distinction must be made here. It does not mean that there is a problem if a child is active. If he can sit quietly for 20 minutes while looking at pictures he likes, but only makes small movements in classes that he is not interested in, then it is actually normal. Only those situations where he cannot control his behavior regardless of the scene require intervention. There is no unified template for healthy social adaptation. It does not mean that the more outgoing the child is and the more he loves making friends, the better. Many parents always think that there is a problem if the child does not like to talk. In fact, as long as the child feels comfortable and can normally complete basic social tasks such as saying hello, asking for help, and cooperating, it is completely fine even if he is slower and has fewer friends. This is also the consensus that the industry has repeatedly popularized with parents in the past two years.

I always like to make an analogy when doing science popularization for parents. Children's mental health is like a sapling growing roots. You can't say how many roots must grow or which direction is right. As long as the roots are not rotten, can grow facing the sun, and can stand firm when it is windy or rainy, it is healthy. There is really no need to impose a certain standard on the child.