Five basic contents of stress management

Identification and assessment of stress sources, physiological stress regulation, cognitive framework reconstruction, social support system construction, and long-term stress tolerance training.

When many people mention stress management, their first reaction is "mindfulness", "meditation" and "lying flat". In fact, they all regard the content of one of the modules as all. I have been doing corporate EAP consulting for 6 years and have contacted nearly a thousand clients who are suffering from stress. I can say with certainty that stress management without any module can easily become chicken soup for the soul that treats the symptoms rather than the root cause. Let’s talk about the most common misunderstanding: many people force themselves to sit there and practice mindfulness when they feel stressed. After practicing for half an hour, they are still annoyed, and then they turn around and scold “mindfulness is a lie” – you don’t even understand why you are upset, so you just want to suppress your emotions. Isn’t it just like if there is a water leak in your home, you don’t go to find the leak, but wipe the floor with a rag first? When does it last?

Finding the right leakage point is the first core: stress source identification and assessment. There are actually quite big differences in the judgment logic of different schools: traditional medical schools are accustomed to dividing stress sources into "acute/chronic". For example, being laid off suddenly is acute stress, and being 996 all year round is chronic stress. The response logic is completely different. ； The school of positive psychology is more accustomed to dividing "controllable/uncontrollable" first. For example, you can't control the wave of layoffs in the industry, but you can control the frequency of updating your resume and peel off the uncontrollable parts first, and your anxiety can be reduced by at least half. I met a product manager of an Internet company before. She said that she was so stressed every day that she had insomnia. She always felt that her ability could not keep up with the KPIs. After filling out the stress log for three weeks, she discovered that what really caused her internal friction was not the demand at all, but the meaningless blame-shifting at the cross-department meeting every Monday. She had previously classified all negative emotions as "she is not good" and even identified the wrong source of stress. No matter how she adjusted it, it was all in vain. Oh, by the way, here’s a counter-intuitive point: not all pressure needs to be dealt with. For example, if you have to take the professional title test next month, being a little nervous can push you to answer two more sets of questions. Don’t worry about this kind of healthy pressure at all. Don’t burden yourself with things.

Once you have found the right place for stress, don’t rush to change your cognition and pour chicken soup. You have to suppress the physical discomfort that arises at the moment. This is the second core: physiological stress regulation. You must have had this experience: When you are stressed, your heart beats fast, your hands shake, and your mind goes blank. At this time, it is useless for you to say "don't be nervous" ten thousand times, because your sympathetic nerves have been activated. Adjusting your body first is more effective than anything else. Researchers in different fields recommend different methods: The CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) school believes that 3 minutes of abdominal breathing is enough. If the breath sinks to the Dantian, the heart rate will quickly drop. ； Exercise physiology researchers recommend short-term high-energy-consuming movements of 5 minutes, such as jumping jacks, climbing two flights of stairs, or even pulling on the elastic band you carry with you 20 times to burn off the adrenaline first. I have a pre-sales visitor who was so nervous that he forgot his words every time before meeting with a big customer. Later, he used the elastic band method, which is 10 times more effective than silently saying "I can" in his heart. Don’t believe the nonsense about “just run a half marathon when you’re stressed out.” Doing strenuous exercise during times of acute stress can easily increase the burden on your cardiovascular system, and the gains outweigh the losses.

When your heartbeat has stabilized and your brain can turn around, you can return to the matter that caused your headache. At this time, you can use the idea of ​​​​reconstructing the cognitive framework. Many people complain, “Isn’t cognitive restructuring the spirit of Ah Q? ”, this controversy does exist: researchers of the existential school feel that there is no need to forcefully describe "bad things" as "good things", such as being laid off. There is no need to say "this is an opportunity for me to grow". First admit, "I am unlucky and I am uncomfortable". On the contrary, it can relieve stress more than insisting on being positive. In fact, the core of cognitive restructuring is never self-deception, but to change the "absolute" thinking in your mind: for example, changing "I must do everything well" to "I just need to do the three most important things well", and changing "Everyone must like me" to "I only need the people I care about to recognize me." There was a young man who was laid off. At first, he forced himself to "buck up and find a better job" every day, but the more he thought about it, the more anxious he became. Later, he simply allowed himself to spend half an hour every day scolding his former company, and then changed his resume when he was satisfied. Instead, he got a suitable offer within a week. You see, allowing yourself to be inactive is itself part of cognitive restructuring.

When you can't bear it on your own, don't hold on. This is the fourth core: building a social support system. Many people's understanding of social support is "finding friends to complain about". They even think that complaining will cause trouble to others, and would rather keep it to themselves. In fact, there has long been a consensus in the academic community: there are two types of social support, emotional support (complaining, empathy) and instrumental support (helping you solve practical problems). In many cases, instrumental support is much more useful than emotional support - if you stay up until three o'clock on a project and ask a colleague to help you make a data report, it is much more useful than asking a friend to complain for three hours. There is also an interesting research conclusion: Providing help to others appropriately can relieve one's own stress. I once had an audit client who worked overtime every day until she cried during the annual review. Later, she took 10 minutes a day to teach Excel skills to the interns in her group, and she felt that she was not so miserable. When you step out of the perspective of "I am a person who is overwhelmed by pressure" and see that you can also provide value to others, that sense of control will soon return.

The last component is long-term stress tolerance training. Many people think that the goal of stress management is "no stress at all". In fact, they are completely wrong. Stress tolerance training is like training muscles. You have to put some appropriate load in order to become stronger and stronger. The training methods of different schools are quite different: the mindfulness school recommends 10 minutes of meditation every day to practice being aware of your emotions and not being carried away. ； The performance management school recommends "micro-challenges within a controllable range", such as taking the initiative to do a small thing that you are a little afraid of every week, such as taking the initiative to speak at a meeting, or saying hello to colleagues you are not familiar with, and slowly practicing your mentality. An important point must be drawn here: don’t confuse “tolerance training” with “squeezing”. If your boss tells you, “If you can’t bear this little pressure, it means you are not capable.” That’s not because you have poor tolerance, but because the work he has given you has exceeded your normal load. If you need to argue with someone, argue with him or run with him. Don’t use training as an excuse to PUA yourself.

In fact, these five contents are never separated, and there is no fixed order. If you are stressed today, you may go to climb the stairs twice (physiological adjustment) first. When you are free tomorrow, you can review the recent stress sources and deal with them as you like. To be honest, stress management has never meant that you will become an "invulnerable" superman. It just means that the next time you encounter something bad, you will not be overwhelmed immediately, but you will be able to recover and move on. This is enough.